07 November 2016

Confidence, Self Worth, + Love

Welcome back, little birdies.

This is something that I wanted to write for a while. I realize that my blog is beauty and fashion focused but Blissful Beauty Bird is still my creative outlet. So with it being an outlet, I decided I wanted to write down how I was feeling and publish it for my readers to read if they so pleased. In all honesty it's just something I want to let out and put into perspective for myself to see how I'm feeling and hopefully to look back at this years from now, when I no longer feel this way and realized just how much I've conquered. This will be very informal as I don't know how to let out my feelings properly. I'll just kind of ramble. Sorry about that.



I don't really know where to start with this so I'll start with how I feel confidence wise. I have never really been a confident person. I've always been really shy and would often doubt my capabilities. Confidence as in how I look, I've never really felt "pretty". What's "pretty" anyways? I've had low self esteem about my looks a lot. I never felt I was pretty enough to be loved by a good man. I never left the house without make up. No matter how badly I used to do my makeup during my teenage years. I always found flaws in my looks and if it wasn't one thing, it was the other. Not that long ago on the #PrettyLittleChat we had a talk about confidence. It made me realize how I view confidence now that I'm a bit older (because you start thinking a little more clearly when you're 23 apparently). It made me realize that I don't just see confidence as how someone looks. How I view a truly confident person is someone who loves themselves for what they've got, for what the Lord has given them. (No matter the shape nose or ears, or what color eyes they have ect.) Someone who is independent, they could get things done and haven't a need to depend on others. Someone who is kind. They love to help others physically and mentally. Someone who is humble and thankful to the Lord for what He has provided in their life. Someone who is genuinely happy and not just because of money. Someone who is happy with the little things in life like quality time with their friends and family all the way down to just happy to experience the day. I feel as though I'm slowly growing into that kind of person how I envision a confident person to be. Although I still have a lot of growing up to do when it comes to that and with life in general. It's just to know I've taken those first few steps towards it. That in of itself is motivation to keep going.

Self worth is something I still struggle with. Something I have to find in myself. I know I shouldn't be defined by the things I can't do. I always seem to not try things because of fear of failure. I never felt I was very good at anything which hinders what I do. When I think of "talents" and think of how some people can sing, some can dance, some can speak multiple languages. I feel like because I don't really have a talent that there isn't much great with me. I used to draw a lot but even with that I didn't feel good enough. Even with my writing. I love my blog but I don't feel as though I'm a good writer but maybe that's something I'll learn to do better in time. The sense of self worth ultimately makes me think of relationships. I have a tendency to feel as though someone wouldn't want to be with me because I can't do this or I can't do that. Sometimes it even ties in with my looks and I feel that no one would ever look at me as someone beautiful from the outside in. I've always been a hopeless romantic. I wanted the happily ever after with the prince charming and to just feel that unconditional love for someone. That we would grow old together and still fall in love with one another like if it was our first day. What scares me is that with everything I've mentioned before I feel like I will never find that person or if I do that it wouldn't last long and they'll eventually get tired of me and find someone else. Sometimes I find myself pretty down in the dumps because I haven't found the "one" when I watch everyone around getting together or getting married or having babies!

I don't have the answers to my feelings towards all this. And to be honest, this isn't everything I'm feeling. I just didn't want to get in too deep. The only thing I can do for myself right now is to stay focused on the Lord and try and stay positive about things. I'm only 23 which means I have plenty of years to figure myself out and sort out all these feelings to hopefully, eventually, update that I see myself differently. Hopefully I'll be able to update you on how I truly see myself a confident person who is happy with absolutely every bit of myself and my talents and maybe even at that point, have found someone I deeply love who loves me too.

It feels really good to just let out how I'm feeling about things. Just to let them out and not have them all bottled up inside is definitely worth it. With that being said, if you finished all that, I applaud you. I am sorry for the ramble and how disorganized it was but I was just writing things down as they came up. I didn't make bullet points for this. I also apologize if you read this all hoping I have found my way past these feelings and haven't yet. I'll get there.  Thanks for reading and if you're feeling the same way I am then I hope you find out much quicker than me just how amazing you are.

Until next time,
Jay

8 comments:

  1. Oh Jay! Firstly let me applaud this post for its honesty and just putting it all out there. I will be the first to tell you that everyone feels less than confident in something, or many things, myself included. You don't even want to see my list lol. Your blog is fab, your style fab, and you're probably one of the nicest people I've ever not met in real life haha (but who knows, maybe we will someday!).Your blog is certainly a talent among more you're probably not even aware of. And are you serious about your looks?! Whaaat?! And not to be shallow at all you're so pretty! I never would have guessed you felt that way about yourself. But we are always hard on ourselves, and all struggle in our own ways. Well you've inspired this 30-something blogger so cheers to you!! So glad to know you through this blogging journey. Continue being amazing!
    XX Jen <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhh!! Jen, thank you SOOOO much for that amazingly sweet comment! It's crazy to know how people feel sometimes but I'm glad to know I'm not alone and even more glad to know the feelings won't last forever. This is the sweetest <3 Thank you so so much. I'm so glad to know you through this journey as well! So much love to you! <33

      Jay

      Delete
  2. First let me start off by telling you how absolutely proud I am of you and how much you inspire me. I love you Jay and I can't wait til you finally see all you have to offer to this world and how much you are truly loved and admired. When the day comes, and your knight in shining armor arrives he's going to have to go through quite the process. Not just any guy is worthy of you. Always remember and guard these words in your heart: "Princess, never forget you are a child of the King. You are royalty. The one being prepared for you is also of royal descent. Be patient. Prepare. Stay in the castle."

    I love you dearly chum! Keep up the amazing work and stay true to who you are you will never know on this side of Glory all the lives you've impacted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BAAAHHH! MY CHUMMY! You're going to make me cry! Thank you SO MUCH. Those are powerful and true words and I can't wait to see them come true. Thank you so much for your constant love and support towards all that I do. I couldn't have asked for a better and truer best friend <3333

      Delete
  3. Such a heartfelt, honest and beautiful post Jay! I hope you write more like this because I really really enjoyed reading it. You are truly beautiful inside and out, you should never believe otherwise! all the love and more xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're the best, girl! Thank you so so much for your sweet words! So much love to you <333 xoxo

      Jay

      Delete
  4. Jay, this is beautifully written. Everything will eventually fall into place for you, just try to enjoy your journey there. So much love to you, girl <3

    xx
    Srna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Srna <33 You're right. I just have to enjoy my journey. Thanks for the lovely comment xoxox

      Jay

      Delete